Gut Reaction

Well, this is Thanksgiving related, anyway, sort of.

We're not used to a lot of rich, fatty foods, but on Thanksgiving (I promise a post on Thanksgiving) we go for the traditional foods, cooked from scratch.

So, last night after taking Mom back, we had leftovers at her house, and of course they were good. I went to bed and fell sound asleep.

I woke up about 2:30am. For some reason, I got that Kinks song "Picture Book" that's being used on some commercial stuck in my head (bad commercial, my father-in-law would say, if you can't remember what it was for). Catchy tune.

Picture book
Pictures of your mama
Taken by your papa
A long time ago

My stomach felt pretty acidic. Vicki had handed me a roll of Rolaids -- but I wasn't sure where they ended up. I got up and rummaged through my bags. Not there. So I went into Mom's bathroom and started rummaging around for some pepto or something. Nada. I thought maybe a glass of water would help.

Picture book
Pictures of your mama
Taken by your papa
A long time ago

Drank the water, laid back down. Started feeling queasy. Went out to the car (34 degrees, boxer shorts, bare feet) to check the car for the roll of Rolaids. Nada. Back in the house, upstairs, to bed. I'm tough. I've toughed worse out. I can manage the night.

Picture book
Pictures of your mama
Taken by your papa
A long time ago

The burn was worse. There has to be something that would counteract the acid. Milk. No. Might make it worse. But it has calcium in it. Calcium! Surely mom takes calcium pills. They'd be down in the pantry, with the baking supplies. Baking Soda!!!!!!!

Mom used to have us mix baking soda and water and drink it for the sour burps when we were kids. Tasted awful. Should work, though... it's a base -- opposite of acid. Cool. Back down stairs (trounce, trounce, trounce trounce...)

Picture book
Pictures of your mama
Taken by your papa
A long time ago

There it is. Ok, used to do like a half teaspoon in a glass of water. Probably need a little more for this. Rounded teaspoon. Not too much water. The more water you have to drink, the longer you have to taste "that taste". Stir, stir...

Slug. Right down the hatch, hardly had to swallow.

Kids, I want you to try an experiment. You'll need an uninflated standard party balloon, about a tablespoon of vinegar, a tablespoon of water, and maybe a half teaspoon of baking soda. And a sink to do this over. And an eyedropper.

Mix the water and baking soda. Put the vinegar in the balloon. Fill the eyedropper with the baking soda/water solution. Hold the balloon in one hand curled in the thumb and forefinger of one hand so you can pinch it off quickly.

There's a valve in the top of your stomach that opens a lot easier into the stomach than the other way -- this keeps your food from coming up when you lay down.

Squirt the baking soda/water solution into the balloon and pinch it off to simulate that valve.

Now before we continue, let me assure you the baking soda worked.

Practically immediately, I felt my stomach begin to expand. And I remembered what else we used to do with baking soda and vinegar. We used to mix it with vinegar in bottles with tight caps to watch the gas build up pressure and blow the cap off.

I knew I'd better start burping, and fast.

Two decent ones, but I could still feel it swelling. I needed a big one, fast. I rushed toward the sink, and a huge bubble of gas blew a bit of food slurry out into the sink. Good one. That helped. A couple more (sans food), and I felt ok. Went upstairs. Went to bed.

Couple more small burps. My stomach felt great. And I fell asleep laughing.

Not even the picture book could keep me awake.